Most advocacy training tells you what to say. Alison Jones started somewhere else — with what you feel before you say anything at all.

Alison is the Founder and Executive Director of Minds of Light, a nonprofit supporting autistic and neurodivergent individuals through connection, mentoring, emotional awareness, and confidence-building. She's an autistic woman, a mother, and a grandmother to loved ones on the spectrum, and her work runs on lived experience rather than clinical theory. "Everything I'm going to share tonight is through lived experience," she told the room.

The room was a Legacy Bridges Foundation event, where Alison was the guest speaker and a recognized Legacy Bridges Champion. Legacy Bridges is a 501(c)3 that supports individuals, families, and caregivers living with epilepsy and other seizure-related disorders — built on the belief that no family should have to navigate that journey alone. It's the right audience for what Alison came to say, because the people in it spend their lives advocating for someone they love.

The idea: regulate yourself first

Alison's talk built on a simple claim — that understanding your own emotions makes you a stronger advocate, both for yourself and for the people you love. Caregivers pour their attention outward. The feeling underneath their own reactions goes unexamined, right up until it drives the conversation off the road.

She was direct about how that used to look for her. "I used to have meltdowns at least probably 10 a week," she said — triggered by her kids, by the school, by the ordinary overload of caregiving. Over three years of using FeelWise, that changed. "I don't have meltdowns anymore. Maybe once every three or four months. The progress is amazing."

What FeelWise actually is, in her words

Alison gave the clearest short definition of FeelWise we've heard. "It's an emotional intelligence tool and process. It's not therapy and it's not a quiz. It's a way of giving language to what you feel so you can actually use it."

Then she walked the room through the pieces.

Name it accurately. Instead of "I'm fine" or "I'm mad," you find the real word. "I am not just mad, I am actually embarrassed." Under the anger, embarrassment. Naming it accurately is the whole first step.

Find what's underneath. Reactions sit on top of something. If she snapped at her daughter in the morning, underneath the snapping might be exhaustion, or the fear that she isn't doing enough as a parent. "The reaction is basically smoke, and the feeling underneath it is fire."

Regulate — don't stuff. Pause. Take a breath. Step away for two minutes, even into the bathroom, and remind yourself: "This feeling is real, and I do not have to act on it this second." As she put it, regulating doesn't mean pushing the feeling down. "It means not letting it drive the car."

The story that made it real

Alison didn't teach the method from a distance. She showed it working on the hardest kind of example.

After 47 years, her father decided to cancel the family Thanksgiving. She was devastated, and at first she reacted — got verbally sharp with him, didn't control her emotions. Then she stepped back and did the work she teaches. Underneath the anger was sadness: for the lost tradition, and for her mother, who died three years ago. Underneath that, helplessness at a situation she couldn't change, and worry for her children. What she actually needed, she realized, was predictability and reassurance.

That's the whole model in one story. The reaction was smoke. The grief was fire. Naming it accurately was what let her respond as herself instead of from the flare.

Finding your voice

Alison closed on advocacy, where she'd begun. Finding your voice, she said, isn't about being the loudest person in the room — "trust me, I'm pretty loud." It's about understanding your needs, communicating clearly, and having the confidence to keep asking until your concern is taken seriously.

"Your feelings carry information. Your needs matter. And your voice matters."

For a room full of caregivers and advocates, that's the reframe that changes things: your own emotional clarity isn't separate from the advocacy work. It's the ground it stands on.

Learn more: Alison Jones leads Minds of Light, supporting autistic and neurodivergent individuals. The Legacy Bridges Foundation supports individuals, families, and caregivers living with epilepsy and seizure-related disorders.

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